Its 3:30 and I’m unconsciously
walking into a class that starts at 3. I care enough to be angry at myself for
being late but not enough to be on time. Sometimes it feels like I’m a slave to
my schedule and that my only purpose is to sit and take notes. Other times it
feels like I am just wondering through my own brain searching for sidetracked
ideas to keep me content throughout a class. Sometimes I take education for
granted, especially in pre-requisite classes that I’m forced into taking.
Sometimes I complain about how unfair and unjust the institution of education
is and how we’re all just subjects in the system. And other times I just shut
up and realize how lucky I am to be able to receive an education. When you’re a
creative writing major in a class titled “Places, Power and Culture” you
sometimes find yourself punching the walls of your brain out of frustration and
asking yourself “what are you doing in here?” or “why are you sitting in class
right now?” I often think, “What’s the point? The world could end at any
second” but the world doesn’t end when I think that. Everything just keeps
moving and I have to find a way to keep myself entertained. Like a lot of other
kids my age I turn to social media for validation and entertainment. Twitter is
a great way to not only get the thoughts out of your head but to also have your
peers evaluate those thoughts. Twitter turns your thought process into a joke
machine and enables your brain to turn any passing thought into a well
structured joke. Needless to say I spend way too much time on twitter. The
social media site helps me bounce my thoughts around and is great for keeping
me entertained during my pre-requisite classes. My anxiety creeps up through
back of my mind as I take, what I interpret as; copious notes and I find sweet
relief in the fact that there is no quiz in class today. The comforting feeling
that I am not going to be judged on my performance and knowledge of a very
specific subject is pulled from under me as my professor instructs everyone to
rip out a single sheet of paper for a quiz. A brief moment of panic sets in as
the reality of the situation builds with my anxiety. I talk myself out of this
panic of failing the quiz and potentially the class by justifying my lack of
studying. This justification leads to another string of thoughts that have
nothing to do with the task at hand and I am consumed by a rushing river of
random thought. Maybe I should just leave? Tell him I’m not feeling well and go
home, finish the quiz another day? No, I can’t do that, I have to face my fears
had on. Not like this guy. What’s his problem anyway? Why would he give us this
quiz? Who hurt him? There are no random quizzes there is a very specific reason
that he would give us this quiz. There is a reason I’m in this class and
there’s a reason he’s testing us. A wide range of knowledge is needed to
achieve anything in this world.
This quiz is just a speed bump, I might as well turn in what I don’t
know and go back to doing what I do know. Reading tweet after tweet, I am
content until the end of class.
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