Ryan's Energy- Sydney Buring Multimodal

https://vimeo.com/89026907

For twenty years, I took my ‘time’ for granted. I spent most of it in my subconscious, watching everything around me speed by. I always wondered, “Shouldn’t time slow down once you are conscious enough to realize how fast it goes by?”

         I was most certain that I was dreaming the night of September 5^th. I never thought it could happen to me. I suppose, in a sense, I felt invincible; nothing could affect me—no one could affect me like that. When he left, I was overwhelmed with emptiness and could not come to terms with my own thoughts. I was suffocating and could not figure out which would help me breathe easier: keeping him situated on the pedestal I had placed him on two years earlier when I first met him, or, trying to convince myself that maybe I was crazy and had been completely wrong about this ‘sacred’ soul I thought I had come across.

         But it was all out of my hands when reality hit and suddenly I found myself bending down on my first kneeler to touch his frigid hands. He no longer inhabited his body anymore—anyone who knew him could tell that the overwhelming energy that we had all been swayed by was completely inexistent. But where did it all go?

         Time stood still for about two months before self-pity dragged us off the couch. For everyone unaffected, time was still flying, and sympathy grew weaker. Strangers could only pretend for so long that their advice was being heard.  

         Over time, Ryan became a double-edged sword for me. His sporadic appearances in my dreams were comforting, but each time I woke up yearning to feel his tremendous glow. I was thrown into this obstacle of trying to move on but the dream state easily became the most important part of my day. I woke up and instantly wanted to fall back asleep to find him again. My priorities were completely skewed and I could not care less. I wanted to keep hold of his energy, because I felt as if it was slipping away. 

         “No energy gets created in the universe, and none is ever destroyed.” I had to keep reminding myself of this. Over time, I realized not a bit of him was gone; he was just less orderly. Particles of matter, not destroyed, just dispersed. The matter that is my current burning issue, will continue to be a ‘matter’ until the day I, myself, disperse.